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Murder, Madness, Mayhem and ......Kittens?
Where the dead come to mock the living

(a church bell tolls the hour in the distance) 

The countdown has ended and the zero hour is upon us. 

Finally, it is revealed. After all the smoke has cleared and the dust has settled, the question has been answered.  

The countdown was originally counting down to my leaving Livejournal. When I started the countdown I felt like it was a waste, there was only like one person commenting on a regular basis and I found myself spending entirely way too much time on LJ. So I decided that I would give myself thirteen more posts before I shut it all down. Giving myself a deadline of sorts seemed to make me post more important and personal things. I opened up more knowing that the days were numbered. It felt good to be able to let go of some of the things I was struggling with. I was able to share what I was going through and in return received really good responses and a feedback from those that check my stuff out. Once things started to turn around I started to second guess leaving LJ. But I had already started the countdown and a few of you had already begun to question its meaning. On a side note, the answer to the countdown was posted right from the beginning. With and since number thirteen, I’ve been using an all black userpic. If you go into my info and look at my userpics you’ll see that the all black userpic is titled “The End”, letting those who looked in on what was going to happen. Now that I find myself in a better place and feeling good about JL again, I may not leave after all. What do you think? I think what I may do is take some time off from LJ though. Focus my attentions back on some of the more important things I’ve neglected and come back refreshed and ready to start things up again. I’m thinking fifteen days off. So until then, keep your eyes open and your pencils sharp.  


my reflection, dirty mirror
there's no connection to myself
I’m your lover, I’m your zero
I’m the face in your dreams of glass
so save your prayers
for when you're really gonna need 'em
throw out your cares and fly
wanna go for a ride?
5 Headshots or "Shoot it in the head!"
For those of you who wanted to see what Jessica Simpson's boobies looked like.

Click for bigger pic. 

To me,  this isn't exciting.  I get to see her naked all the time when she comes over and we shower together.  You know right after we get done oil wrestling and having a pillow fight.  

Sometimes I am such a guy.  

11 Headshots or "Shoot it in the head!"
Hollywood round-up. 

Rumor has it that the next Batman film will have two main villains once again. We’ve already been lead to believe that the Joker is one of them the other villain whose name keeps coming up is The Penguin. Before I get to who is rumored to play The Penguin let me just provide an update on the Heath Ledger/Joker talks. Apparently he has been offered the part, however, his shooting schedule is pretty full for the next year, leaving almost no room for anything else. The film is slated to be released in June of ’08 so that doesn’t leave too much time for a movie this big. Whether he’ll turn the part down or not is still unclear. He may pass on some of his prior commitments in order to play the Joker. Let’s hope so. The whole reason Christopher Nolan was interested in him was because you can’t really picture Heath Ledger as the Joker. He’ll bring a completely refreshing aspect to the role. From what I’ve read the Joker this time around is going to be very dark, and very extreme. Okay, on to The Penguin casting rumor. Word around the campfire is that Phillip Seymour Hoffman has been offered the part, although, Hoffman has indicated that he may not get involved in the sequel. We’ll have to see what happens.   I think Hoffman should take the part. He’s already proved himself as this generation’s best character actor and he deserves a fun part to play that would also bring with it a big pay day. From what is being said Christopher Nolan’s version of the penguin will be a
British arms dealer/mob boss with designs on Gotham. 

Okay moving on to other Hollywood weirdness. Apparently early last Friday morning Mel Gibson was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol. After being arrested he had a complete meltdown. Below is a description of said meltdown. 
“Once inside the car, a source directly connected with the case says Gibson began banging himself against the seat. The report says Gibson told the deputy, "You mother fucker. I'm going to fuck you." The report also says "Gibson almost continually [sic] threatened me saying he 'owns Malibu' and will spend all of his money to 'get even' with me." The report says Gibson then launched into a barrage of anti-Semitic statements: "Fucking Jews... The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world." Gibson then asked the deputy, "Are you a Jew?" The deputy became alarmed as Gibson's tirade escalated, and called ahead for a sergeant to meet them when they arrived at the station. When they arrived, a sergeant began videotaping Gibson, who noticed the camera and then said, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" A law enforcement source says Gibson then noticed another female sergeant and yelled, "What do you think you're looking at, sugar tits?"
I love to when celebrities totally lose their shit in public. What’s even funnier about this case is that Gibson is supposed to be a very religious man. I remember some Passion movie he put out a few years ago. When that movie came out he got all kinds of flack for appearing Anti-Semitic. He denied it up and down, and then this comes along. They say that alcohol is like a truth serum. I wonder what the line about the Jews being responsible for all the wars in the world really tells us about Mel. Anyway, he issued a public apology on Saturday, but I’m not going to put that up here, because it’s not as funny as him threatening to fuck a police officer. Oh yeah, that "sugar tits" line is classic.   
Speaking of fucking. Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson were married on Saturday aboard a yacht in Saint Tropez. Below you will see a pic from the ceremony. Very classy.    

Pam was quoted as saying it was "the best most romantic wedding of all time."
And how could it not be? Kid was wearing a Tigers cap and Pam was dressed in a white string bikini. If that doesn’t say romance, I don’t know what does. 
Okay kids, that’s my Hollywood round-up, have fun with it and remember just because they’re celebrities doesn’t mean they’re not fucked up. 

1 Headshots or "Shoot it in the head!"
Don't you love a good phone call from an old friend?  Catching up about the old times, discussing the future and no matter how much time has passed since you last spoke it seems like only yesterday.  That's a damn good friend.  

2 Headshots or "Shoot it in the head!"
Today after work I was on my way home and I realized that for the first time in a long time I'm happy.  Let me rephrase that.  I don't want to give off the impression that I'm always depressed or unhappy, on the contrary.  What I mean is that for the first time in a long time I recognize and am enjoying my happiness.  Yeah, I think that says it better.  I'm never really unhappy, I have a good job, a great apartment, my health and friends.  And I guess I always just took being happy for granted.  I just assumed that if I always did the right things and stayed productive good things would come to me.  That's what life is about, right? Do good and good will come to you.  So for a long time I never let myself be elated over my station in life.  It just became what I did and who I was.  Nothing special.  I'm the same way with feeling proud about my life.  Everyone says that I should be proud of what I've accomplished and how far I've come, but i don't see it.  At least not yet.  Once I do something really great with my life, then I'll be proud.  Everyone says "look at what you have and what you've done.  You graduated from college, you have a really well paying job, you moved a long way from home and you made it, you always seem to have it all together, so why can't you be proud of yourself?" 

Because none of it has been a challenge. 

I've never really had to try too hard to accomplish what I've set out to do.  I don't know if it was a good upbringing, or an over acute sense of focus, or just luck.  I'm not a braggart and I hate to sound like one when I say life has not been a challenge, but it hasn't.  And for the longest time I've taken that for granted.  I've somehow managed to live through nearly thirty years without too many scars or setbacks.  I think and I have been told that I have relatively little "baggage". 

A lot of how I used to think has been changing lately though and I'm starting to appreciate things I never did.  Such as the fairly easy path I've had to travel thus far.  As I get older I see a lot of people my age or older that do not have the happiness I have, their lives didn't turn out the way they had planned.  Somewhere along the way they stepped off the path and got lost.  Or were lured off the path.  They find themselves in situations they never wanted to be in, dead end jobs, loveless relationships, saddled down with children they never wanted, wasted opportunities, lost hope, fading dreams and loss of self.  I see all of that and I die inside.  I feel like my life has been handed to me but others around me have to claw and fight and scrape for just a little bit of fleeting happiness. 

I used to think that a person's unhappiness in life was there own doing.  Sometimes that's correct, but not all the time.  Sometimes they get trapped in situations where no matter what they do someone will suffer.  What they have to realize is that everyone suffers in life, that's part of the game.  We need to suffer from time to time to grow, and to become stronger.  Like my grandma used to say "in order to make a cake you need to break a few eggs".  So break some eggs, hurt a little, make those around you suffer a little, because when it's all said and done and the dust settles you'll be much happier.  It's never too late.

6 Headshots or "Shoot it in the head!"
I was on my way into work this morning and while stopped at a red light I was watching this old woman sweep leaves off the sidewalk in front of her house. As I watched her I realized that at one time she was a very beautiful woman. I started to think about that. What that must feel like. To be beautiful in youth but to slowly watch it fade over time. How did she handle it? How does anyone handle it? After the light had changed and I moved on I found myself still thinking about that transition from youth to aged. How must it feel to watch lines form, hair turn grey and your figure disappear. Is it a gradual change? Or does it hit you really fast and one day you wake up and suddenly see yourself as old? Another question is, which is worse; watching it happen over time or having it sneak up on you? Along with watching time take its toll on your looks there’s also the issue of feeling your body slowly shutdown, weaken and lose control of its faculties. I’ve never had a lot of respect for elderly people. I never had many of them in my life to begin with and as I grew older I realized that I was of at least average intelligence so I never sought older people out to answer life’s little questions. But as I make my own way through life though, I’m starting to see that elderly people should be respected. They’re on a one-way ride. I mean we all are. But they’re sitting in the first car and they’re perched at the top of the big drop. They’ve had a lot of the things in life that personified them taken away, a lot of them are alone without identities and they’re just waiting for the ride to be over.          

10 Headshots or "Shoot it in the head!"

7 Headshots or "Shoot it in the head!"
Blog-Word! for chaos_superstar

You're an individual - nobody was found with the same word as you!

Check back later, maybe you'll have some LJ-Word buddies then!

Created by Grahame

Finally.....I'm loved. 
"Shoot it in the head!"

Haiku2 for chaos_superstar
this picture is from
before she dyed her hair blonde
and fractured her
Created by Grahame

I like this one.  It reminds me of a simpler time in my life. 
"Shoot it in the head!"
"There is no such thing as SPARE change." 

That's what  I said to a homeless man earlier today when he asked me if I had some spare change. 

And then I just kept walking. 

That's so fucking cold. 

What's wrong with me? 
2 Headshots or "Shoot it in the head!"